| Simpliest of Simplicities |
[Oct. 11th, 2004|11:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Yellowcard - Empty Apartment | ] |
I just came back from visiting Jaja in the nursing home. It's so sad because he just shouldn't be there. When I compare him to some of the others there there really isn't any comparison at all. Then I talked to my mom and she was crying at work because she's so stressed right now. My sister had to move back home and she hates it. Although she's eighteen and we have all been eighteen before and we know how that goes. It just bothers me that my family is so depressed. Jaja is depressed because he's in the nursing home and it's rare that anyone goes to see him or even calls him, except me. My sister is depressed because she's home and doesn't have a car, or a job, or any friends she says. My mom and dad are depressed because they just seem to hate their lives. I wish I could help more, but I don't really know what else to do except talk and listen to them. Depression is sure a bitch. I'm glad I haven't ever experienced it personally and I don't plan on experiencing it. Makes my nonexistent problems seem so minute. I just wish we could all go back to when life was simple and everyone seemed so happy from time to time. |
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| Fall in, Summer out |
[Oct. 7th, 2004|06:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sweet Silence | ] |
The morning really makes you think. Right now I'm thinking about my friends and all the ups and downs they all go through. The ups and downs I go through myself as well. I wish I could help more, I wish I could make everything right for everyone, but I know I cannot. That doesn't mean I won't try though. Right now I feel more alive than I have in a long time. That is mainly because of my friends. Sometimes it's hard to meet new people, but I have gotten over that quite a long time ago now. It may come back from time to time, but it's not like awkward high school shyness anymore. It's just another part of growing up. Thank you guys and gals for being there and looking out for me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2004|01:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing | ] |
I know you'll probably never read this, but thank you for everything. You're as good a friend as anyone could ever ask for. |
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| Overwhelming Excitement! |
[Sep. 18th, 2004|01:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | George Strait - I Hate Everything | ] |
Coheed and Cambria are going to be at Clutch Cargo's on October 19th. My day was made reading that and it's not even 2:00am. We so need to go! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2004|04:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing | ] |
My vision is now 20/20 and I'm going to see Travis Tritt! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2004|04:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coheed and Cambria - Blood Red Summer | ] |
Blood Red Summer is such a great song. |
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| This is to feeling bad and feeling better |
[Aug. 29th, 2004|02:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coheed and Cambria - Cuts Marked in the March of Men | ] |
The last few weeks have been some of the best times I've had in months. My summer felt rather pointless until now. I got back in touch with some good old friends and met several new ones. And they are some of the nicest people I've ever met. So I should be quite happy, which I am... but something is always missing. True happiness seems to be a myth lately. I'm used to just grinning and bearing it, but it gets harder and harder as days go by. The past is over, all I need now is one chance. Will someone give me that one chance ever again? I believe so, but I'm ready for it now. Put me in coach, I won't drop the ball this time. I'll run and keep running until we reach happiness, true happiness. Just give me that chance... please. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|11:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Postal Service - Such Great Heights | ] |
I just once again realized how good the Postal Service is. |
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| Remembrance |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|02:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | some country song in the back ground | ] |
It has now been 12 years to the day yesterday that one of the most influential people ever in my life passed away, my grandma. I just wanted to say hello and I will always remember you and everything you've ever done for me. I love you now and forever, and God Bless. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2004|05:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "you can't fake it hard enough to please..." | ] |
Driving around with Rick at five in the morning singing Dashboard is the coolest. I'm realizing what it feels like to have fun again with people I enjoy spending time with. It was an awesome night thanks mainly to the company I was with. I need to work at 11, but it's ok. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2004|01:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Weakend | ] |
Had a lot of fun tonight guys, thanks a lot! =) |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2004|10:16 am] |
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I feel a change on the horizon... or well I hope so. |
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| Calm, Cool, and Collective |
[Jul. 24th, 2004|01:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing | ] |
Heya Everyone. I'm just sitting here thinking and contemplating what to do. I left work early because they say I'm sick and they don't want to get sick too. Oh well, I'm getting paid for being home so that's cool.
It's always like I have a streamline of past memories going through my head a lot of times. Especially when I read people's Live Journals. It's weird how people could be so close to you at one time, then they just drift away like waves in the ocean. Maybe it's because one of you fucked up, just stopped talking to that person, or maybe it was a mutual thing. There could be an infinite amount of reasons, but it still sucks when you really think about it. And I seriously have no idea why I'm so scared to talk to people from my past. People that were really good friends, like family to me. Maybe it's not me being scared, but I don't know what it is. Perhaps it's just we're too busy for each other now a days.
Rhett is kind of like my new tag team partner now. Every time either of us get plans it seems like the other one tags along and becomes part of the action as well. It's just so funny though, because he used to beat the crap out of Dustin and I when we were little or anyone else who got in his way. Hell, things change people change. That's one of the funny things in life, how things turn out.
Jason is back from the Marines. For a few days at least. That makes me happy. Thank you all for reading and God Bless. |
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| Remembrance |
[Jul. 7th, 2004|05:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing | ] |
Hiya Everyone. It is five years ago to the day that my baby cousin died. I know I may say this quite often, but certain events in your life make you truly think about things. This has been one of them and it probably will be for the rest of my life. Because it was one of the blackest days in my life. We lost her that day, but Heaven found her. I love you and miss you Erica.
On a very very side note... Spiderman 2 is the best movie of the year so far bar none. I highly recommend it. Until next time, thank you all for reading and God Bless. |
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| Short Thought for the Moment |
[Jun. 21st, 2004|12:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tim McGraw - Live Like You Were Dying | ] |
Tim McGraw - Live Like You Were Dying
He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came
that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you
when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do
and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds
on a bull named BluManchu
and I loved deeper
and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness
I'd been denying
and he said someday
I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend
a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times
that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again
and then
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named BluManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I?d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
Like tomorrow was a gift
and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it
what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?
Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named BluManchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
I watched this video yesterday on Father's Day and it made me cry. Really put a lot of things in perspective for me. What would you really do if someone that close to you wasn't there anymore? How would you act, feel, live, and look at the world? I know most of us have gone through similar things like this and unfortunately we probably all will again. But I think things like this really make us who we are. I just wanted to say I love all of you, in one way or another, in my life and everyone who has ever been in my life. No matter if I see and talk to you everyday, or if you're hundreds of miles away, or if you have come in and out of my life. If it wasn't for you all life really wouldn't be living. Well, I need to get up at 7:00am so I think it's time for bed. Thank you all for reading and God Bless. |
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| Time to Relax |
[May. 2nd, 2004|11:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing | ] |
Heya Everyone. The past couple weeks have been pretty stressful for everyone involved. I had a big part in that too, although I had good intentions. But in the process I hurt people's feelings, each in different ways. The thing is though, I don't really know what I was trying to prove. I just wanted everyone to be honest with everyone about everything. It may not have been my place, but I saw the pain mounting up in people. And I asked for people's advice and I went from there. I really have the perception that the world is black and white, there is always a right and wrong. But the world is gray, more gray than anything else. It may not have been my place, but I had good intentions...
Moving on. I was driving home from work today and I heard on the radio Five for Fighting - 100 Years. You may think lame, but it really got me thinking. Certain songs really have a tendency of doing that in me. My past and my present are all swirling around in my head. My successes, my failures, my mistakes all have different meaning, but are equally important. Most of my life my world has been centered around a 2 mile radius. Elementary, junior high, and high school all pretty close to each other. Reber, Dur-Moll, Mary Ann all pretty close as well. The Howell's, Wingett's, and Keeton's equally close. Well some of us at least. We have all had our issues with each other and we have always been able to work them out. And I have no doubt we will again, it will just take some time.
I have slowly been realizing that you can't make decisions for other people. Everyone will live and learn just the same. It may take more time for people to learn things, but we all have been there just the same. I have a tendency to have a "Holier Than Thou" attitude a lot of times when I think I'm right. People that know me best know it's one of my faults. I think, "Hey I wouldn't do that, neither should they", but it's time to relax, time for people to find out for themselves. Advice is great especially when it's great advice, but you can't shove things down people's throats.
In closing. I've been kind of not myself lately. Too many highs and lows, not enough middle ground. It's time to get back to my easy-going, satisfied with what life throws my way, happy self. I think it's time for everyone to relax, to stop going back and forth with each other. We all know what happened, we can't go back and change it, but we can move on from it. Life sucks sometimes, but we can't just stop living, and if we have something to say, just say it. I believe life travels in circles and it will come full circle again. And when it does I'll be there for whoever needs me. Thank you all for reading and God Bless. |
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| Another Day, Another Feeling |
[Apr. 28th, 2004|04:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing | ] |
Heya Everyone. Well as you all can see my moods have been up and down the past week or so. Which is pretty out of the norm for me, because I'm usually pretty happy and easy going. That is what I'm going to strive for again. It's good to feel different emotions at times, but you'll always go back to the way you really are. If you're truly honest with yourself and others, which I always try to be.
On to another topic, now that I have a clearer head. Someone told me last night that him and I should talk and try to work things out. Well, that isn't going to happen right now and I really don't know when it is going to. There isn't anything to say and I think that it would just cause more trouble. I did what I did because I believed it to be right, and I still do. A lot of times I make decisions on my instincts and how I would react to things. I thought about it long and hard and decided enough is enough. It may not have been my place, but sometimes people need other people to look out for them. Like I have said before I'm loyal to my friends and family and the people I love. When that loyalty is compromised over and over again it is eventually going to bend and break no matter if it's a friend, girlfriend, or family member. And I didn't feel it to be right for me to sit there idle any longer while things I didn't believe in were going on. It's one thing to not know what is going on and another to allow things to go on while turning your head away from them. And that made me compromise my integrity and morals and I feel shitty about that. Anyway, I'm done with this for now. There really isn't anything more to say about it at this time.
Moving on... I believe out of every bad situation good things may come out of them. Well the main good thing to come out of this whole situation is one of my newest and best friends. She's probably one of the coolest girls I have ever met and if you don't really know her you shouldn't judge her harshly. I don't really know what will come out of her and I. But at the very least I have a really good friend. And I trust whatever is meant to happen will happen. We'll just need to wait and see what may arise.
I can't wait for spring and summer to kick in. It's a beautiful day today and it just helps to lift my mood. It's time for me to feel like me again. And thank you each and everyone of you who have talked to me and helped me to feel like myself again. It's good to be able to rely on yourself, but it's also good to have people to back you up when need be. Anyway, I'm feeling really good right now and I hope to stay that way. I had a lot on my mind, I may have missed some things, but there is always another time for that. Until next time, have fun and God Bless. =) |
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| Good Byes are Hard |
[Apr. 26th, 2004|12:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing | ] |
Heya Everyone. That is actually the second time I've named an entry that before. The first time was when I was leaving for Louisiana. But this time it's Jason that's leaving. It may only be for 13 weeks, but it's still going to be hard. Although I know it is to better himself and to brighten his future.
He's leaving for the Marines, well today actually. It's going to be hard because he's the guy I talk to the most and ask for advice the most out of everyone I know. It will be harder on others more so than myself, but I'm still really going to miss him. I have just felt very much alone for a little while now, and I'm not letting too many people into my world at the moment. Anyway I know you'll probably never read this, but... I love you man and stay strong down there and kick some ass. Just like a Michigan Playa should!
I'm going to make this entry longer than I expected, but I just need to let loose a little bit. I have a tendency to set myself up for disappointment at times. And in the current mind set I'm in it is sure to happen again with certain things. My best friend is gone, I don't have a significant other, and well the girl I "like" it's a lot more complicated than I wish it was. That is ok, but that still doesn't help my case of momentary loneliness. I've always been an optimist and I know that won't last too long though. Everything happens for a reason...
I'm trying to do something that I have always tried to do but it has never really worked out the way I wanted it to before. That is put someone's feelings and needs completely over my own without really expecting anything in return. Some may say that is unhealthy, they may be right in some ways. But others may say that is just and very thoughtful if it is really needed. Which I think it is. People experience things in their lives where they need other people's help to get over and help them stay strong and get back to where they want to be again. I know I have experienced that for one. And it is just good to have someone there whenever you need them.
A little more in depth, I've been confused about a few things lately. I really shouldn't be, but maybe I should be. I've just never felt this way about someone else before. There is just so much we have in common, and everything seems right but at the same time it isn't. The circumstances were kind of messed up to begin with. I've been in love before and been hurt by love. This, well, it's something deep because I feel something deep, but it isn't love for sure. It's hard for me to give into love now-a-days and I'm surely not going to jump into it again. Especially if the other person is well confused as I am, I think. But we both know what is best for now, and we'll leave it at that. I'm here for you no matter what though, that won't change. And I know you know that. Well time for bed, until next time have fun and God Bless. =) |
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